Are you notoriously known for leaving tasks until the minute? Do you vow to never slack off again, but find yourself stuck in the same cycle of avoidance? It’s okay if you’re nodding yes. We all procrastinate from time to time. But if you’re a chronic procrastinator, you may notice this habit is interfering with […]
In the complex landscape of marriage, the signs that indicate a need for counseling aren’t always loud and clear. While the obvious red flags may be easier to spot, there exists a subtler, often overlooked language that marriages speak. These are the whispers, not the shouts; the nuances, not the overt cries for help. In […]
Written by Dr. Peter Pearson, co-creator of The Developmental Model, co-founder of The Couples Institute I recently discovered something very counterintuitive, and it went against the grain of almost all relationship improvement advice. Here’s what I tried. I stopped doing things my wife cares about. Ellyn really likes a clutter-free home. Mostly I have a […]
Of course, most folks would like both. Ideally, we’d be completely loved and understood at all times, right? But if you had to prioritize, which would you choose? Feeling loved is more heart-centered, and being understood is more brain-centered. Think about recent arguments or discussions you’ve been in with your partner. Were the ideas you […]
Tips for learning how to stop avoiding conflict. Darn few people enjoy conflict. Well, if the internet has taught us anything, there’s always someone somewhere that lives counter to what we think. But most of us are hard-wired to avoid conflict. This was a good thing for most of humankind’s development. The dangers we faced […]
If you’re fortunate enough to have visited a grove of aspen trees in autumn, the sight remains with you for a lifetime. The trees are an explosion of yellow, whispering as the wind blows through their leaves. Last fall, we ventured out again to visit the aspens and meditate on their beauty. As we watched […]
Relationship tips and tricks can strike us from the most interesting places. Even the intimidating rattlesnake teaches us a lesson in better couples communication. Don’t worry. We’re not asking you to handle a rattlesnake, attend the Sweetwater Rattlesnake Roundup, or anything extreme. This is a lesson that comes from observation. You can enjoy the results […]
Many come into couples therapy uncertain of what will happen. For many, this might be their first time in any kind of counseling or therapy. They don’t know what to expect from the therapist or if the therapist has unique expectations for them. In our experience, most approach couples counseling with some apprehension. Their idea […]
Could this be the best (and cheapest) date night ever? What comes to mind when you think of a date night? Most would probably imagine a trip to an expensive restaurant, concert, or special event. You must plan, schedule, and then dress up, spending lots of time and money. We all love our partners and […]
For many, wedding vows are a lower priority in their planning focus. Sure, they’ll agonize over the location, guest list, and even the cake. But the vows are often almost forgotten in the scramble to take care of all the details. Put off as an afterthought to be written up the night or morning before […]
Over the years, we’re taught by films, books, and society at large that the way to express the gift of love on an anniversary, Valentine’s Day, or other big day is to buy our partner flowers (or in old-fashioned comedies, this is how attempts were made to correct a mistake). Who doesn’t love flowers? They […]
I love counseling and marriage therapy and felt my calling to this profession at an early age. But there’s a lot of time and education you need to get through before you can run your first couples therapy session. Like many people, as I was advancing along the way in life and my training, I […]
Humans developed over thousands of years, and many of those years were spent in tough and tricky conditions. Our brains needed to be able to respond quickly to perceived threats that could literally come from anywhere at any time. However, we’ve also elevated ourselves out of our caves and stopped our constant wandering. We’ve settled […]
Ok, I bet that headline grabbed your attention, didn’t it? Trust us, this isn’t clickbait, and the reason Santa causes marital distress isn’t for the reason you might be thinking. So bear with us on this one. We’d imagine that most of you read that headline and your mind went in one direction right away. […]
Humans can be terrible at thinking about and planning for the future. Take my wife, Ellyn, and myself. We live in the San Francisco Bay area. Possibly one of the most famous fault lines in the world runs through our great city. Geological experts have been saying the next big one looms on the horizon […]
We will start this article with a controversial statement – fixing or solving your problems does not bring happiness to yourself or your relationship. We can feel some readers bristling at this comment. Particularly those readers who take a great sense of pride in their ability to solve problems or fix situations. Believe me, we […]
Reaching out for therapy is a big step and it’s totally normal to feel a sense of anxiety or fear about starting couples counseling. Maybe you have a bad preconception of what marriage or couples counseling is. We’ve all heard from friends or seen on TV the unpleasant challenges and dissatisfaction partners express that can […]
The British Navy dominated the oceans for hundreds of years. What was their secret? They cleaned and did maintenance on the hulls of their ships. Regular maintenance of your marriage is worth the effort. What does this mean for you?
Did you know couples therapy and marriage counseling are not the same? In fact, they refer to two very different treatments, and learning about both and their benefits will help you make the best decision for your relationship. So, let’s dive in to tackle couples therapy vs marriage counseling to offer the support you need […]
We’ve all heard the stories of couples who, over time, seem to lose the spark they once had. The butterflies in the stomach, the electric touch, and the intense passion slowly fade away. Love is a journey, and like all journeys, it can sometimes take unexpected turns. It’s not uncommon, and it can happen to […]
Have you heard the encouraging news? The divorce rate has been steadily declining from 4.0 to 2.5 since 2000 (forbes.com). While the frightening ‘50% of marriages end in divorce’ statistic still lingers, this remarkable improvement is a reason to celebrate. It begs the question: Could relationship counseling be the key to this positive shift? With […]
Taking the first step towards receiving therapy isn’t always easy. Perhaps you have fears, hesitations, doubts, or other concerns. However, buried within those uncertainties is a desire for personal growth and the potential for growing together with your partner, healing relationship wounds, and fortifying your connection. Thankfully, with the rise of technology and virtual services, […]
Author: Peter Pearson, Ph.D. Houston We Have a Problem! If astronauts went to Mars, it would take up to 20 minutes to transmit a message to mission control in Houston, and 20 minutes more for them to receive a response from mission control. That’s a 40-minute time lag! “Mayday Mayday! Mission control, our left fuel […]
Marriage is a journey filled with love, joy, and companionship, but it can also have its fair share of challenges and rough patches. When faced with relationship difficulties, seeking professional help through marriage counseling can be a valuable resource. If you’re considering marriage counseling, you might wonder, “What can I expect from this process?” Understanding […]
Most of us have childhood memories of the mythic cookie jar. Almost every household had one at some point or another. Maybe it had a funny shape, spelled out the word “cookie” as if to tease us, or worse of all, it was transparent so that we could see the cookies contained within. The cookie […]
When was the last time you played a love language game and got to know your partner? Most of us will remember the classic game “Twenty Questions.” It used to be an age-old favorite in the pre-smartphone era. For those who don’t remember, or never had the chance to play, you have 20 questions to […]
Probably the number one question we get asked is whether or not couples counseling can save a relationship or marriage. Since many might be skimming the article or are short for time, we’ll cut to the chase and say, yes it can – with some caveats. We’re not just saying that because we’re counselors. According […]
When many people think of couples counseling, they don’t think of young or unmarried couples who are dating. Unfortunately, many believe that counseling for couples is a last-ditch effort to save a marriage or something reserved only for couples experiencing some extreme trouble. Couples counseling is not reserved for one specific type of relationship or […]
Relationship Coach, Marriage Counselor, Couples Counselor, Couples Therapist…. Many couples searching for help ask for the difference between these different types of professionals.
What if a good marriage was not about focusing on fixing problems? What if a good marriage was not learning a new set of skills or tools? The most common requests couples who are starting therapy have is for communication skills and tools for a better relationship.