Grow My Relationship logo
Grow My Relationship Secure Icon

RETURN TO BLOG

What’s better than fixing your marriage?

What if a good marriage was not about focusing on fixing problems? What if a good marriage was not learning a new set of skills or tools?

The most common requests couples who are starting therapy have is for communication skills and tools for a better relationship.

This is an understandable but misguided request.

What if couples were taught skills and tools, with penetrating insights on how to improve, but there was no underlying dedication to growth?

What if a great marriage is about character? The sum of moral strength, fortitude, self-discipline, integrity, curiosity and caring.

Tools are about using your mind. They neglect the heart. Merging your heart and mind is what creates the transformation.

You want a relationship transformation? You want the rewards of working as a team? You want the sweet rewards of your kids looking up to you?

Good. But you gotta earn it.

Everything has a price. There is a price to pay to transform your relationship, just as there’s a price to pay for muddling along the way you are.

The “lizard brain” wants the rewards with no risk, minimal effort.

Highly dysfunctional couples dominated by the lizard brain hope that repeated complaints will get their partner to become responsive, sensitive, and loving. They also want their partner to be self-sufficient. They might as well wear a sign saying, “Don’t ask me to inconvenience myself for you.”

Most partners want a better marriage without becoming a better person. It’s a very rare client who recognizes or says they want to become a better person to create a better marriage!

A better person is more than skills and tools. It is living your values and principles.

A better relationship is not a quick fix. But the lizard brain wants simple and easy. It wants tools and skills that will not take time, effort or the risk of rejection.

Ironically, as you grow so will the size and number of your challenges.

If you forever stay in second grade your personal growth will be limited by a second grade mentality.

Enticing? No. The human spirit wants more. In life we do more and learn more because we have a desire to explore and grow.

Now the big questions become: Do you have an uncommon desire to grow as an individual in your relationship in order to create a better relationship? When you want your partner to change, are you really willing to support the change you seek?

Fixing is about repairing what is broken. Fixing does not explore the land of possibilities and creating something different and better.

Wanna know what makes getting a better marriage easier? Become a great couple team. Work together to support and realize your individual and collective dreams.

Becoming a collaborative team is not easy or effortless. And sometimes it is not enjoyable. It’s just worth it.

Connect With A Developmental Model Resource
Grow My Relationship logo

Coach

A relationship coach supports couples in learning vital partnership skills and helps you to develop conflict resolution skills, offering tools to achieve a thriving, healthy relationship. Coaches tend to focus on the present and creating an inspired future.

All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve. Therapists and counselors have mandatory educational and licensing requirements that are determined by the state or country in which they practice. Coaches do not.

Clinical Social Worker
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve.

This profession usually requires two years of study after obtaining an undergraduate degree. While specific licensure requirements vary by state, most require clinical social workers to obtain 3,000 hours or 2 years of supervised clinical experience, after obtaining a Masters degree. Social workers can also specialize in diverse fields such as human services management, social welfare analysis, community organizing, social and community development, and social and political research.

As you know, this is not an easy task when you and your partner are struggling to communicate, cooperate, and connect. This is where a highly trained guide is especially valuable.

Marriage and Family Therapist/Counselor (LMFT)
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve. 

Therapists and counselors have mandatory educational and licensing requirements that are determined by the state or country in which they practice. Obtaining this license requires a Masters degree which takes approximately two years of post graduate study. The license also requires 3000 hours of supervised work and passing written exams.

Counselors and therapists may make situational determinations about how deep to go into the personal history of each partner. They may seek to help you see where certain unhelpful patterns of behavior originated. 

Clinical Psychologist
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve.

After graduating from college, it usually takes about five years of graduate school to get a Ph.D. in Psychology. It then requires an additional two years of supervision and passing a written (and often) an oral exam. There are a few states that allow psychologists to prescribe medications (with additional training) but that is uncommon.

Our professionals can guide you to clarify your individual goals as well as enable you to develop mutually agreed upon and supported relationship goals.

Psychiatrist
All well-trained relationship specialists seek to offer advice, feedback, observations, and homework to help your relationship evolve.

After graduation from medical school, there is a generally a 4-year psychiatric residency. After the completion of this training, psychiatrists must pass an exam issued by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology to obtain certification and legally practice in the field. Psychiatrists can prescribe medications.

Our professionals can guide you to clarify your individual goals as well as enable you to develop mutually agreed upon and supported relationship goals.

Grow My Relationship logo

How can we help you?

Your Name*(Required)
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Connect With Us

Grow My Relationship logo

Looking to get the most out of your therapy sessions?

Enter your name and email below to get our free report sent directly to you.

Your Name*(Required)
This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Grow My Relationship logo

Contact Us